From TEACH TANTRA* by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. & Janet Kira Lessin
Learn the cybernetic model. The cybernetic model of mutually-enhancing communication between you and your lovers, family and good friends is a feedback model. In this model, honest communication improves relationships.
When you confront your others and take to heart what they say, you help each other grow. You feel loved and make your choices based on love. You accept, adore, cooperate and share more. The more you share, the more you develop judgment, competence and individuality and actively show these to your beloveds and friends, who lovingly yet honestly share reactions. Use this feedback to raise your consciousness so you perceive with greater clarity, develop your individuality further and make better choices.
Commit to others whom you accept, who lovingly challenge and who enhance you.
Challenge is critical; in the heat of intense, authentic emotional confrontation give each other the feedback each of you needs to understand how you affect each other, the feedback you need to become more loving.
You risk your vulnerability with others you commit to–they could reject or accept you and your growth. Stop seeing things only your way and open to their opinions. Care about their development too.
Learn from each other, cooperate, and make ever-more growth-enhancing choices, based on the loving energy you share. Embrace the cycle with your significant people and raise your sophistication as you learn from their experience and feedback. Your growth simultaneously contributes to their growth. As you mature from their feedback, you can give the greater love, acceptance, cooperation and feedback they need.
You and they grow when you cultivate the cybernetic communication cycle. You spiral up when you let each other go separate directions. Care about each other’s growth. Confront and take to heart what you each say. Help each other grow. Feel loved and make your choices based on love. Accept, adore, cooperate and share more.
Develop judgment, competence and individuality and actively show these to lovers, family and friends who lovingly yet honestly shares reactions. Use this feedback to raise your consciousness so you perceive with greater clarity, develop your individuality further and make better choices.
Your growth simultaneously contributes to theirs. As you mature from their feedback, you can give the greater love, acceptance, cooperation and feedback they need. Each time you both complete a cycle–choice, commitment, vulnerability, encouragement, synergistic learning and use of each other’s reactions–you and they raise your consciousnesses.
In the exercises to follow, you and the folks you with whom you share experience each steps in the communication cycle. You learn to choose, see, feel and enjoy each other, assert yourselves, know you can share. You commit and risk; let love affect each of you. You celebrate your individuality, similarity and universality. Cooperate and encourage each other to learn and grow by just completing the sentences. All-in-all, the exercises and the communication cycle teach you to use each other’s views to better yourself and mutually make more.
To start the cycle, you each say to each other:
“I love you.”
“I want you as my friend, lover, treasured family member [choose which].”
“I’m glad I’m your friend, lover, treasured family member [choose which].”
“I want a great relationship with you.”
“I want mutually delightful relations with you.”
SEE, FEEL, ENJOY
Sharpen your awareness lest you dull yourself. Understand and value the other as contradictory, multi-faceted and complex. Tolerate and sympathize; be reasonable and sensitive. Love while you see and accept each other’s flaws.
Seek to know each other, but avoid prying. Show respectful regard for each other, neither indifference nor interrogation.
Share your changing opinions with your each other, even if it’s risky. The alternative is to say what you think they want to hear. The cost of that is they can relate only to your lies. Inside, you’ll feel unknown and unloved if you’re inauthentic. And you’ll torture yourself for lying.
KNOW YOU CAN SHARE
You can cheer your dears with words. Or do the opposite. Some kind, gentle words cost you little and mean a lot.
Get involved with, care about and commit to your significant others. Say what you see. Help them grow. And grow up.
Say to each, “I commit to your well-being and growth.” “I support you in your goals.”
RISK: LET OTHERS AFFECT YOU
Declare your ideas, especially about yourself. Let your intimates influence what you think and do. Bend, adapt, and trust. Weigh the risk of sharing against the return of more intimacy. Share only when each of you both feel trust.
Finish this sentence with each other as many times as you can: “You don’t know I …”
What do you dread divulging? Magnify your fear and finish: “I have secrets so bad that if you knew you’d …”
If your partners for this sequence can cope with those, complete these:
“It’s hardest to tell you…”
“I risk our relation by revealing …”
CELEBRATE YOU’RE SINGULAR, SIMILAR & SAME
When you tell the truth, you and your partners learn you’re different, similar and just alike. Singular, similar, and the same. Delight in your differences. Similarities let you feel close. Your sameness is your spiritual unity, the wholeness of parts joining.
Complete to each other:
“We vary in these ways …”
“I enjoy these differences …”
“I see us similar inasmuch as we each …”
“I identify with you when …”
“Our souls connect when …”
GROW ENCOURAGING EACH OTHER
Find new meanings together. Reach out to help each other meet needs. Encounter with care and mutual respect. Recognize you are each equal to the other. When you help your partners develop, you grow. You flower when you tell your thoughts and express your emotions that help them mature.
Say to each, “I think your strengths are …” (State some.)
Then switch. Your partners say their assessment of your admirable attributes.
Say to each, “If you stimulate these strengths, five years from now you’ll …” (Complete.)
LEARN FROM EACH OTHER
Understand and artfully affirm each other. Stop submitting. Don’t dominate. Learn from them that you’re more than you think.
Complete with each other: “The most valuable thing for you to know about yourself and how you affect me is …”
Tell each other, “Let’s work together and both gain …” [Finish]
“Here’s how to satisfy me better…” [Finish. If you’re in-person or in cyberspace over a Zoom or Skype platform, show them; then let them show you]
“How can I satisfy you better?” [If in person, do it.]
USE PARTNERS’ VIEW FOR A BETTER YOU: INTEGRATE FEEDBACK
Mull your partners’ messages and you’ll mature. Complete to each other:
“When I first saw you, I thought …”
“Now I see you as …”
“You’ve made me aware that to you I seem …”
MUTUALLY MAKE MORE
The following brings it all home. If in person, hold hands; look successively in each of your lovers’ eyes. Over the Internet, hold virtual hands and take turns completing these cues:
“How I choose to relate to you is…”
“These are the patterns we practice…”
“With you I’m …”
“I savor these six successes sharing with you …”
“I’m honest and caring with you when I use these skills …”
“I promise you …”
“I let you affect my attitudes when …”
“I care for you in a way you can feel when …”
“You reach out, contacting me when you …”
“I feel known and encouraged when you …”
*Based on Dr. Lessin’s summary of Charles Hampton-Turner, C., 1981, book, “Radical Man” in “TEACH TANTRA by Sasha Alex Lessin, Ph.D., Dean, School of Tantra and Janet Kira Lessin, CEO, Aquarian Radio
** TEACH TANTRA
is a manual for you to experience advanced tantra and teach it to other people.
You learn to teach lovers and others how to:
* Master advanced tantra techniques
* Open all energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Refine relations
* Encourage female ejaculation and master male ejaculatory control
* Find meaning and purpose in relationships and life
* Reprogram parent imprints that diminish sex and love
* Mutually make more in sexualloving
* Delve dreams and past lives
* Worship women and gratify guys
* Love each other more and better
* Open your energy vortexes (chakras) to each other
* Share your diverse inner-voices
* Learn what hurts and scares your Inner Kids
* Discern when to lower your subself shields
* Share vulnerability and connect with each other
* Synergize your inner selves’ dance within and between you
* Refine how you relate
* Heal each other’s hearts
* Encourage female ejaculation
* Master male ejaculatory control